Updated: Jun 14
It's been a bit of a wobbly week. With the move down to Level 1, suddenly I didn't have the excuse of all the restrictions that come with living with the threat of Covid-19 to allow me space to not open the doors to the studio. I have been really enjoying spending more time with the family, not working evenings and in general being much more present in my own life. However after 5 years of working really hard to grow the studio numbers it felt almost like a betrayal to myself and to my clients to even think about not restarting regular classes, let alone actually not opening the doors.
As I sat with my thoughts trying to find the source of my discomfort I finally saw it for what it was, do I feel like I’m defined as a person for the good works that I do? Or can I continue to do those good works without having to show up on the mat day in and day out even when it is to the detriment of myself and the family. So with my heart in my mouth I started to announce that I wouldn't be restarting classes, at least for the winter.
Every time I said it I would feel myself waver, worrying about letting that particular client down, worried about damaging the business I had worked so hard to build to this point. But at the same time I would remember my true intention which is to follow my heart and do what suits me first and foremost.
When we have time to reassess how we are living it is amazing what comes up. My realisation that I can reach more people online than I can in limited classes has liberated me from feeling like I only can teach small groups. I have freed up time to work on hosting Retreats and Workshops which are so satisfying and really fill my cup. And I also now are much more available to family, friends and my gorgeous hubby to support him as he works full time and studies. Win, win all round.
Big lesson this week, it takes courage to live the life you truly aspire to. It takes courage to listen to your own soul speaking to you, and it takes courage to stand your ground in your intention.
You might ask, how can you find your courage? Find the space to sit quietly and listen to your inner voice, be brave, be bold and most of all be truthful with yourself. It also helps to remember that nothing is a backwards step if you are looking forward.